Supercommunicators and Status Games
The Week That Went By # 1
I have been thinking of journalling for sometime now. Mostly as a means to pause and reflect back on the week that went by — things I read and listened to, people I met, conversations I had.
So much of the richness of our lived lives gets lost in living (and not pausing).
I want to see if there is anything to retain and extract from them. Maybe the things that seemed significant in the moment didn’t mean much, and the ones that were banal, accrue a different layer upon revisit.
Intentions and outcomes are, of course, different things. I managed to write five and a half times in the past 6 months. Feel free to do the average.
Every time I write out these 800-1000 words, life's many disagreements, both real and made-up, seem to melt into the background.
The act of purging thoughts from within and putting them on the screen is most edifying.
Then why don't I do it enough? What’s the hack to be consistent?
Being publicly accountable can be a useful tactic. Smokers put out resolutions on social media about how they are quitting. Sometimes it works.
In that vein, I will try publishing some of my recollections here, and see if there is any redemption.
Some of these could seem pretty self-indulgent. That is the nature of journaling, really.
As it goes,
What is most personal is also the most universal.
Listening: Supercommunicators
Last week I listened to Charles Duhigg on the Econtalk Podcast. The episode was titled 'Secrets of Great Conversations'. Duhigg has recently published a book called ‘Supercommunicators’.
Charles Duhigg is the same guy who wrote ‘The Power of Habit’, a book I had come across many years back. My friend Alok, who I was building a business with at the time, had recommended the book. It was the first time I got thinking about habits in any scientific way.
In the book, Duhigg introduced the framework of ‘Keystone Habit’ — a foundational habit which triggers a virtuous cycle of related habits.
Eg. The day I do an intense morning workout, I am more diligent for the rest of my day. I eat my greens, skip desserts, hydrate well, and so on. And the reverse, the days I don’t workout, I would open a food delivery app as soon as I get to work and order a cheesecake.
‘The Power of Habit’ was a precursor to the runaway hit, ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear. In his book, Clear introduced a similar idea, ‘Habit Stacking’, i.e. creating a new habit by ‘stacking’ it on top of an existing habit. The existing habit acts as a trigger for subsequent habits.
The ‘Power of Habit’ has a more theoretical grounding around the philosophy and the science of habits. Atomic Habits on the other hand made the whole habit game more mainstream and actionable. James Clear also publishes a pretty nifty weekly newsletter, structured as bite-sized wisdom snacks.
Reading it is a good shortcut to feeling accomplished, when you are archiving the other fifty newsletters you’re subscribed to!
Err back to Supercommunicators.
So, in the podcast Duhigg also spoke about Supercommunicators in the context of marriage. A related article published last week in ‘The Atlantic’ referenced the book. The central point goes something like —
Couples fight in every marriage, for big issues and small. Duh. But there is the right kind of fighting and the wrong kind of fighting.
The wrong kind leads to the fight bleeding beyond the primary issue. The fight was, say about not finding enough time for the kids, but then it quickly transitions to forgetting the laundry, and not replacing the curtains.
In essence, the couple is ‘opening new tabs’ to fight on. Question to ask is — is one fighting to solve, or fighting to vent?
I remember Jordan Peterson speaking about a similar framework that he and his wife follow. The Petersons have agreed to set guardrails around any fight they have. The fight must be limited to the narrow issue at hand, and not spill onto a ‘new tab’.
Cc: Richa
Football
Last week I wrapped up a season of cricket, during which I participate in a bunch of local tournaments. In my annual sporting calendar, cricket is limited to these few winter months. Then, football takes over for the next few.
There is a community football tournament next month, and as is the case, I get pretty invested in such tournaments. I question myself, if I should just take it a bit easy. It is just a ‘silly local tournament’.
At what level should the seriousness of amateur sport be calibrated, I wonder?
For now I am reminded of this quote often used in Golf circles — “If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart”.
As I turn 39, and wane in athleticism and ability, something I had lamented about in an earlier post, I am still happy to be competitive with a cohort of kids half my age. Last evening was a game night, and I don’t think I have fallen behind too much from last year.
Dr. Peter Attia, in his book ‘Outlive’ which came out last year, introduces the important distinction between lifespan and healthspan. Idea is, one could live to be 90, but if the last two decades are spent bedridden or in acute dementia, then the lifespan isn’t a great measure of longevity.
For now, I am trying to optimize for my 'footballing span.' How long can I extend it, staying injury free, and be 'good enough'.
Reading: The Status Game
I had picked up Will Storr’s book ‘The Status Game’ couple of years back, but had deserted it. On average I have started deserting about half the books I pick up. I have never had misgivings about not finishing a book. There's too much to read (or do anything else you care for) in this world. I won't bore you, reader, on the obvious sunk-cost fallacy of continuing to read a book that doesn't suck you in.
Of course, there are exceptions.
Jeet Thayil’s book Narcopolis for one. Its starting sentence is a remarkable six pages long. Yeah, a sentence. I remember Jeet speaking about it in an interview. He said it is a rite of passage, a gate fee. He wants the readers to pay it before committing to the book.
This time I heard ‘The Status Game’ mentioned in a podcast, and decided to give it another shot.
And in that, came across this old highlight:
In the luxury attire game, the general rule is the larger the logo, the lower the status and therefore price. One analysis found ‘an increase in logo size of one point on a seven-point scale translates to a $122.26 price decrease for Gucci handbags and a $26.27 price decrease for Louis Vuitton handbags’. The logo on Bottega Veneta’s $2,500 Hobo bag isn’t visible. They put it on the inside.
My 20 year old nephew is in between undergrad and grad school, and I am tasked to ‘mentor’ him. The first day he came to work, he was wearing socks which had ‘Balenciaga’ printed in repeat across its face. I told him how pointless it was, and if he was wearing it to signal ‘higher status’, that circus had already left town. The trash collectors standing at the end of the line, who are impressed by it, are not worth his time.
He is young, and will get around it soon enough.
Now, even if he is playing that game, he is playing it wrong. The status signals keep changing.
Elon Musk flying commercial and being environmentally conscious is the new signal.
Notice the guy who is the most overdressed at a party. He is the one who has the most to prove. Notice the business guys; the most successful dress the most frugally.
In a world where everyone in your social circle can afford the best phone, say the iPhone, how does one signal status?
In times of such material abundance, the ability to stand out from the rest keeps shrinking. Then how does one distinguish and signal?
Writer Rob Henderson introduced the idea of ‘Luxury Beliefs’ in his newsletter.
‘Luxury Belief’ according to Rob Henderson are “ideas and opinion that confers status to the upper class, while often inflicting costs to the lower class”.
E.g. advocating Non-GMO food. There is enough evidence that GMO food not only is safe, but its absence could lead to food prices becoming fatally unaffordable for the lower classes.
Henderson writes,
…because material goods have become a noisier signal of one’s social position and economic resources, the affluent have decoupled social status from goods, and re-attached it to beliefs
They signal by projecting cultural superiority.
What do I (you) plan to signal this week?
And that was the week that went by, guys.
See you soon!
Now that I have calmed down(?), Yes come to think of it, there is a conscious 'de-logo-ing' happening (among the rich class) around where I live, which is the bling capital of the world. I read long ago who the products shown in the TV series succession (overrated according to me), were also silent on branding.
Also, am so excited you are back to writing and sharing. Thank you
There it is. There it is. There it is! Thank you!